How to Live at Home and Not Go Insane

Posted on 27. Jan, 2011 by Steph in Advice, Trip Planning

One of the main reasons I was able to save up so much money in such a short length of time , was my Mother, who was generous enough to let me live at home, rent free for the past two years. It was a pretty sweet deal that not everyone can swing, but if you have the chance, it’s a really great opportunity to save some green.

Still, I won’t lie and say it’s the easiest choice. At 23, 24, 25 years old I wanted nothing more than to be decorating my own apartment and having my own space where I could lie around in my underwear and eat macaroni and cheese (that’s my fantasy and I’m sticking with it). Sleeping in my childhood bed felt like stagnating. It was frustrating at times, but I figured out how to cope, and now I’m going to impart my wisdom to you.

photo credit: Search Engine People Blog

Don’t Be Ashamed

There’s nothing worse than meeting someone new at a bar or at work, and having to admit, under your breath, that you live at home. It never stops feeling immature. Whenever I started to feel down I reminded myself that it’s not that unnatural for twenty-somethings to live at home in the current recession era. I knew my reasons, I knew I could have moved out, but I was working towards something bigger. If you own your decisions, than it becomes just another fact about you. Not a dirty secret.

215/365: Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast

photo credit: by Janine

Create Your Own Space

Just because you’re camping out in your high school bedroom doesn’t mean it has to LOOK like your high school bedroom. If you know you’re going to be stationary for awhile, spend a little time and money redecorating your space into something that suits your current personality. It doesn’t have to be a huge chance, but it will keep you from feeling stuck in the past.

photo credit: Håkan Dahlström

Define Your Boundaries

While you are updating your room, it’s probably time to update your parent-child dynamic. I’m not in high school anymore, so it was understood that I could stay our as late as I wanted and eat cookies for breakfast (not that I DID, but I COULD).

photo credit: blmurch

Respect Your Parents Needs

The flip side of being treated like an adult is not acting like a child. If you are 24 there is no justification for your mom to be doing your laundry or cleaning your room. Pitch in and empty the dishwasher or vacuum the living room once in awhile. Maybe pitch in and pay the cable bill if it’s needed. It’s just good manners. Acting like a grown up will make you feel better and probably keep your parents from wanting to throttle you.

Give a Little

In an ideal world those last two points would keep things running smoothly, but this is not always the case. So give in a bit; you are the indebted one after all. Did I need to tell my mom where I was going when I left the house? No. Did it make her feel better? Yes, and it cost absolutely nothing from me. Sometimes you need to take a deep breath and let things slide for the sake of harmonious living. Otherwise known as: choose your battles.

Have an Escape

When all else fails, it helps to just get out of the house. Have somewhere you can escape to, and remind yourself you are a grown up. For me, decompressing during my daily commute by singing at the to of my lungs was a great way to reduce tension and transition from Home Stephanie to Work Stephanie. For you, it might be retreating to a nearby park, or coffee shop.

Moving back home can be very emotional, and it’s easy to slip back into old family dynamics. But if you approach your living situation honestly and rationally, then it can be a really great stepping stone to greater things.

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Tags: trip prep

35 Responses to “How to Live at Home and Not Go Insane”

Theresa
27. Jan, 2011
Great tips. I don’t live at home with my parents, but some of these tips are useful for just the short periods I am at home over Christmas and I have to get used to the whole dynamic again. I’m also going to pass this on to my youngest brother, who is back at home as he searches for a job.
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  Thanks! Definitely these are important tips for any time you have to spend at home.
  Reply to this comment
Kristin M
27. Jan, 2011
Thanks so much for this! I’m still living at home to save up money to move to Savannah, GA in a couple years and at times it drives me out of my mind. It helps to know there are (or “were” in your case now that you’re traveling) others doing the same. The “pick your battles” tip is one I’ve come to realize can help keep me sane while I’m still here. That, and finding somewhere to escape to outside of the house when I need it.
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  I love Savannah! Gorgeous city.
  I think it also helps to remind yourself that your situation is temporary and things won’t always be like this. The light at the end of the tunnel and all that.
  Reply to this comment
Alouise
27. Jan, 2011
These are great tips. I’ve been living at home for a couple years and staying a few more while I’m in school. I have to admit #1 really resonated with me, but I know I can’t afford school and my own place. Luckily I get along with my parents, we all give each other enough space. But the downside is I’m worried I’ll get too comfortable,and be less inclined to leave. That’s why I think it’s good to have a time limit. It’s easy for a couple years to turn into several.
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  This is true- I know at least a few people who really need a kick in the pants or they are NEVER going to leave their parents home. Living at home should be a stepping stone to greater things.
  Reply to this comment
Anthony
27. Jan, 2011
I did this in order to save up for my future travels and to say it was HARD is an understatement.
My cousins kindly offered me their spare room with the agreement of only paying utility bills so I snapped it up in an instant. I couldn’t agree more with “don’t be ashamed.” Especially when you’re doing it for a reason like a dream.
And if I did not receive the kind offer-I’d still be at home roughing it out-as it’d all be worth it in the end, right? Great article Steph, maybe one that many can relate to.
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  Yeah, I think it’s totally worth it with all but the most unreasonable of parents. Lucky that you got an out though!
  Reply to this comment
Sally
27. Jan, 2011
I stayed at home for a year after I returned from Brazil at the age of 25 & was starting a new job. And, honestly, as much as I didn’t think I would, I loved it. It was fun to reconnect with my family after living on my own so long and being abroad. Eventually I moved out after a year with them, but, I have to say, it was pretty awesome to have home-cooked meals and someone to call when my car broke down (which it did… a LOT).
Reply to this comment
- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  I don’t think i will ever move back home but I will miss that “easier time”…
  Reply to this comment
Eurotrip Tips
27. Jan, 2011
That’s a great post, and I totally respect your fantasies!
I had to live with my mother-in-law for 6 months before I left and it worked pretty well. But my fiancé and I were glad to leave because despite all the advantages, it was sometimes pretty heavy. But I was able to save a lot of money and get closer to her.
One idea is to have a small fridge in your own room. Not only to cover basic cravings, but also to store things that the rest of your family doesn’t use – I didn’t want to invade my MIL’s fridge with my things.
Although the dynamics of living at the in-laws rather than at your own family’s place is totally different, in the end, the general idea is the same: be generous and thankful.
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  A fridge is a really good idea- one I have considered myself. Anything you can do to give yourself privacy/autonomy is probably good.
  Reply to this comment
andi
27. Jan, 2011
I moved back in so that I could save money for my dream destination wedding. It was MUCH easier than I thought it would be after living away for almost a decade.
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  Yeah, I think some of it depends on how reasonable your parents are of course- but it wasn’t that hard for me.
  Reply to this comment
Kieron
27. Jan, 2011
It’s not easy – we’ve still got about 6 months left of living with parents before our trip! We’re only one month down at the moment and it seems to get harder by the day! But we just need to remind ourselves why we’re there and the amount of money we’re saving from this sacrifice.
It will all be worth it when it’s done!
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  It will definitely be worth it in the end- nad you’ll probably be surprised how much you actually miss them when you’re gone.
  Reply to this comment
MaryAnne
28. Jan, 2011
I moved in and out of my parents’ place many times throughout my 20s, in between years in Europe and Africa and the Middle East. It was a wonderful chance to settle down long enough to save some money and reconnect with everyone…without having to set up my own flat with furniture (which is dauntingly expensive where I come from). I knew I was just passing through and was grateful for the time I got to spend with them and what their generosity has allowed me to do.
I’m one of the only people I know who not only was able to travel extensively from age 19 onwards but also graduated at 28 with a BA and no debt– all because I was allowed to live at home and work while I studied and do it all gradually over a decade, part time, instead of taking out loans to cover not only tuition but also housing costs.
I am very very thankful for what they gave me.
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  I am SO very grateful to my mother for giving me that opportunity as well.
  Reply to this comment
Sarah
28. Jan, 2011
My boyfriend and I moved in with my Grandma after we finished uni. It was a great compromise because we got rent-free living in a nice house and she got company and help with things that she was starting to find harder. Now, she’s a pretty cool Nan, but that’s not to say it didn’t get tough at times. Silly things like needing to let her know if we’re not coming home at the normal time can somehow revert me to a stroppy teenager. But on the plus side, I’ve gotten to spend far more time with my Nan than I otherwise would have done, heard endless stories and learnt to cook and knit! There really are some plud sides to moving back home but I think your tips would help to make it a smoother experience!
Reply to this comment
- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  Yeah, there are some real hidden benefits to living with family- a lot of quality time to be had. Important to make the best of it.
  Reply to this comment
Waegook Tom
28. Jan, 2011
Great blog post – I know exactly what you mean with this entry. I was at home for 2 months over the summer and it took so much adjusting to. I was no longer carefree and without responsiblity, I had to think of those around me.
The small things do make a difference though. Every once in a while I’d get my mum a bottle of wine. When she complained about having to cook, I offered to cook for everyone….this however was rebuffed. Even though I’ve lived away from home since I was 18, my mum is still convinced I’ll burn the house down or poison the family. When I was entrusted to simply make my own meal one night, she was shocked to see that I can make edible cuisine.
I’ll be home again for 4-5 months come September this year, and I’ll remember some of your advice. Especially the idea of cookies for breakfast!
Tom
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  Yeah I am a horrifying cook but my mom left me to my own devices most nights. Luckily the house is still standing.
  Reply to this comment
Matt
31. Jan, 2011
I’m very close with my family, however after a couple weeks at home I’m ready to move on! Great advice – some major benefits to sticking around home to save!
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- Steph
  31. Jan, 2011
  Sometimes coming home makes you appreciate the value of being away!
  Reply to this comment
Jerick
07. Feb, 2011
I’m staying with my grandparents & working from home for the past 6 months now after 2 years of living independently abroad… I agree that it’s not the most optimal situation – but I agree that it does help me save money while letting me spend some quality time with my family.
And I’m just imagining that when I’m back abroad – I’ll start to miss them again so at least now I know that my stay with them has all been good.
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- Steph
  08. Feb, 2011
  You know it’s true= I miss my family more than I ever thought I would!
  Reply to this comment
audreydez
20. Feb, 2011
aaahh, I’d move back home right away to save money for my rtw… There’s a lot of benefits in staying with your parents, even when you feel ashamed because you’re over 20. It’s good you had that chance! I recommend to everyone to stay at home as long as they can, cause having a rent to pay makes it really hard to save money
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Scott Walters
14. Jun, 2011
Steph,
I love the site. I wish I had found this site (and the overwhelming urge for travel) when I was still in college. I’m not sure what to do though. I’m 26 and have a decent enough full time job, but I’ve got about $40k in debt ($4k credit card, 36k student loans). I could save money, but do you think its better to try and pay down the debts, then go on a cheaper trip?
Not sure where to start.
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- Steph
  16. Jun, 2011
  Thank you Scott! I am 26 as well.
  Paying down debt definitely blows, but I do think it’s probably better to live cheaply, pay down as much as possible, and then go on a trip. Having your debt follow you on a trip is not a good experience.
  Reply to this comment
Beverley Reinemann
25. Jul, 2011
Great tips! And I can completely understand as well; I only had 6 months to save before we started travelling but I was living at home during that time.
At 24 years old, and having not lived at home properly since I was 18, it was hard but running every night and belting it out to my iPod in the car on the commute to work (see you’re not the only one! Haha!) really helped
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Kevin
03. Nov, 2011
I’m living at home right now, big house, 3 levels. Used to house 4 kids, now I’m the only one. Not a bad deal. I think it’s because, like you, I definitely created my own space.
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- Steph
  06. Nov, 2011
  Yeah, lots of physical space is a big plus too.
  Reply to this comment

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