What Not To Do While In Greece

Posted on 18. Jan, 2011 by in Destinations, Europe, Guest posts

I giggled out loud when I read this post in my inbox. Even if you don’t have first hand experience with booze cruises, or Australian boys, hopefully you can appreciate it as well.

Many years ago, when I was but a young lad I was prone to doing very stupid things.

One of the stupidest happened while I was on a guided tour of Europe with a tour company that will remain nameless as they are irresponsible enablers in much the same way I imagine the producers of the Jersey Shore are. They would ply us with alcohol and then put us in precarious positions such as paragliding and free diving into underwater caves. Yes, extremely hazardous adventure sports while drunk off your arse.

This particular tour company was started by a Kiwi and the vast majority of the people on the tour were either New Zealanders or Australians. I was one of 4 North Americans on the tour. Not only were the majority of our traveling companions from down under there was a large group of them that were construction workers. Now Australians like to drink and Australian construction workers really like to drink. They also like to take your toothbrush and sunglasses and ahem place them on certain body parts, take photos of the act and then show you said photos when you are using said toothbrush or sunglasses. Yes, I know, charming.

After being on the road for several weeks we arrived in Corfu. Corfu is absolutely beautiful as anyone will tell you. It has a unique feel among the Greek islands and I quite enjoy it. On the second day there our tour company had an excursion planned on a party boat. Knowing that we would be drinking all day in the sun we figured it would be best to start drinking ouzo as soon as woke up to you know, warm up. At one point I remember going to take a sip off the bottle and my Australian friends holding me and the bottle and not letting the bottle down until as they said “we see the bubbles come up.” I hear that sinister phrase in a maniacal Australian accent in my dreams to this day. So already half in the bag we set out for our adventure on the high seas.

The party barge was impressive. I mean I don’t know what I was expecting but what I got was a double-decker party barge with a sun bathing deck up top and a water slide as well. Maybe I’m easily impressed, but at the time I though it was just about the coolest thing ever. There was an impressive amount of alcohol. There were troughs of ice and cold beer. Later in the day when everyone was extraordinarily soused they decided that they would have us dive for bottles of wine that the tour employees would throw in the ocean. You get the wine, you get to drink it. And I think there was nudity involved but I’m fuzzy on that point. Aussies love to get naked and the entire trip was a blur of genitalia. But anyways, after the diving and wine pounding we arrive and what they call the Champagne Caves. Upon later review I can’t find that a place by that name actually exists in Corfu, so I think our tour guides made up the name.

At this point we all dive free dive to the entrance of an underwater cave. I swear to god I am not making this up. I have no idea what kind of insurance waiver I signed but it must have been fully comprehensive. Once in the cave, which is dimly lit with a couple of waterproof flashlights, they proceed to pass out bottles of cheap sparkling wine that we all of course drink.

Now I am a ginger and if I do not apply 75 SPF sunscreen every 30 minutes I will burn badly. And I maybe put on sunscreen twice that entire day. Needless to say I was fried to a crisp. After the excursion they dumped us back at our hotel where I hastily passed out. When I awoke I thought that I was dying, I really did. I don’t know if you’ve ever had alcohol and sun poisoning at the same time, but it is one of the most unpleasant things in the world. I did not leave the hotel bed for 3 days except to drag myself to the bathroom. I missed almost the entire rest of the time in Corfu. It was awful.

So at the risk of sounding like a party pooper (every party needs one) I will say, while in Greece, whatever you do, if a group of drunken (most likely naked) Australians invite you on a boat ride, please, politely decline.

David Zwickerhill is a travel writer and photographer working and living in Portland, Maine. His favorite work is wedding photography.

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27 Responses to “What Not To Do While In Greece”

  1. nate owens

    18. Jan, 2011

    Steph, I don’t want to judge, but lad is a scottish word for boy.

    I think you mean lassie, which the scottish word for girl.

    Amazing photos.

    Reply to this comment

    • Steph

      19. Jan, 2011

      ahh you are quite right- it’s actually a guest post (by a guy), not by me, so I think it works out.

      Reply to this comment

  2. AudreyDez

    18. Jan, 2011

    Argh, I share your pain about having to put on sunscreen every 30 minutes (and never ever getting tanned) and I cannot imagine the hell you went through with a sunpoisoning and too much alcohol. At least, you learned from that mistake!

    Reply to this comment

  3. Brianna

    18. Jan, 2011

    That rock formation is pretty amazing… when I really have a break from work I love going over blogs such as this. It reminds me that there are so many great things out there and it inspires me to strive more in life, save and have the travel I wanted.

    Reply to this comment

  4. Alexis

    18. Jan, 2011

    Thanks for the tip (lol)

    Reply to this comment

  5. Christine

    18. Jan, 2011

    Hilarious! Loved this.

    Reply to this comment

  6. Kieron

    18. Jan, 2011

    Haha hilarious story – a lot of my friends would fit the description of the Aussie blokes featured in this! Get a group of these guys together and it means trouble as you found out the hard way!

    Reply to this comment

    • Steph

      23. Jan, 2011

      Two or more aussies in one place and you’ve got a hell of a party on your hands.

      Reply to this comment

  7. Theodora

    18. Jan, 2011

    That’s pretty much a list of what not to do anywhere. In Britain, we used to have, in fact, believe we may still have, a group called Club 18-30. Which was holidays for folk of that sort of age to do lewd things with bananas.

    it’s the type of thing that makes Greek mayors ban tourists altogether…

    Reply to this comment

  8. Sasha

    19. Jan, 2011

    Hahaha sometimes I’m ashamed to be an Aussie! Especially when I read this story! I had a similar situation when I went to Greece, bus full of Aussies, mostly miners from the middle of nowhere WA with heaps of money to throw away on Ouzo, most of that ouzo ended up vomited up on the bus floor! an unforgettable experience always with over excited, naked, Aussies! :P

    Reply to this comment

  9. Annie Bettis

    19. Jan, 2011

    Haha, this sounds all too familiar. How did I know this post would be about Corfu?

    First of all, I’m very sorry for the pain you felt, I can’t even fathom a mixture of hangover and sun poisoning lasting 3 days. I think I would have thrown in the towel. That would have been then end of me.

    That said, I’m assuming you weren’t at the Pink Palace because your party boat sounds uncharacteristically luxurious.

    The company I work for takes students to different places around Europe on the weekend and Corfu is one that we do (as a longer trip). Last fall, I very thankfully, opt-ed out of the party boat to not only save myself from certain death but also to remain neutral with my students the next day when the “stories” of who did what began flying.

    Still very glad I skipped it!

    Reply to this comment

    • Steph

      23. Jan, 2011

      Wow, that must make for an interesting job- although I don’t blame you for skipping the party boat!

      Reply to this comment

  10. Candice

    19. Jan, 2011

    A-mazing. Solid, solid advice for any ginger. Thanks for that.

    I am definitely gonna find this party boat when I’m in Greece.

    Reply to this comment

  11. Michelle

    19. Jan, 2011

    Haha Aussies are pretty crazy people….but I love them :)

    Reply to this comment

  12. joshywashington

    20. Jan, 2011

    Epic post : “Aussies love to get naked and the entire trip was a blur of genitalia.”

    Reply to this comment

  13. Dina

    21. Jan, 2011

    Yow!!
    …and he must be super-dehydrated from both the alcohol and the sun.

    Reply to this comment

  14. Gemma

    25. Jan, 2011

    I feel your pain on the sun poisoning part, I’m quite fair skinned as well. I can’t imagine facing that with the worst hungover ever. Sounds like hell!

    Reply to this comment

  15. Rease

    26. Jan, 2011

    Wow this definitely doesn’t sound like my idea of fun! We all make travel mistakes, something about being on vacation makes you crazy. Glad the lesson was learned.

    Reply to this comment

  16. Matt

    02. Feb, 2011

    haha I’m a 20 year old aussie male and this is a pretty perfect description of what we’re like hahaha. I’m about to go backpacking for 8 months through africa, europe, and asia so I guess I’ll find out if I’m that bad! haha

    Great website by the way, having never traveled and about to go solo for 8 months I’ve found it very helpful :)

    Reply to this comment

    • Steph

      04. Feb, 2011

      Glad I could help! Try not to be TOO much of a stereotype out there! :)

      Reply to this comment

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