Notes From the Home Front: Me versus My Calendar
Posted on 13. Jul, 2010 by Steph in Philosophy, Trip Planning
I swear, my inspirational calendar is mocking me.
I’m not even sure where it came from—maybe the printer my company uses gave them out. It’s big and glossy so I hung it up in my gray cubicle. All year it has sat up there, giving me smug messages:
Focus: People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.
I know where I’m going and it’s away from here and that’s WHY I can’t focus you stupid flowery calender.
F Off Flower (Creative Commons License photo credit: eagle1effi)
It’s getting harder and harder to be a good employee, when I know I’m leaving in just a couple short months. I spend a lot of time staring at that bastard calendar. A lot of time counting:
…3 hours until I can go home…
…4 days until this weekend…
…5 weeks until I can give notice…
…9 weeks until I’m done here…
I’ve never loved math so much as I do right now. I’m a patient person, generally. I can wait. I can wait a long time. I’ve BEEN waiting a long time for this travel experience to finally start. Besides the odd week here and there I’ve been stationary for two years now. Saving, working, plotting and planning.
Two years is too long.
This incessant restlessness is one of the worst side effects for sufferers of the travel bug. It’s a creeping antsyness that sneaks up your leg when you’re just trying to enjoy your Sunday coffee. It’s an almost irresistible urge to get up. Go. Somewhere. An urge to see new things, navigate new roads, to learn.
You can sometimes put off the urge for a little while. Distract your restless mind with a bar full of friends, or an afternoon at a museum. But for the real travelholic there is no replacement, and there’s only one way to soothe the restless cravings within. And that is to go.
So I try to fill my life here with distractions and things that I love. With friends and family. I am trying to enjoy the fleeting summer I have here (maybe my last summer in DC). Most of the time I can do this. But every so often, more often than I’d like really, the restlessness creeps back in and the counting game starts all over.
Sorry, DC
I also have a countdown clock on my laptop. It’s been counting down since sometime last year. I remember when it was in the 200s, and as I write this now it’s telling me I have 78 days until I fly to Japan. Whenever the strain of waiting seems unbearable I check my little countdown clock and it does make me feel a bit better.
Sometimes I worry about this recurrent desperation. Will it ever go away? Will I ever be able to just stand still and be content? To appreciate what I have and not yearn for new mountains to tackle? Maybe. Maybe if I were happier with where I’m currently sitting I wouldn’t be in such a rush to get going. But I feel like a snail that’s too big for it’s shell. So I’m anxiously hopping from one foot to another, waiting, trying to wait, for my life to get a move on.
I’m waiting for the day that I don’t have to wait anymore. I really hate wishing my life away, whether I’m wishing myself into next week or next year. I don’t want to always be the person waiting for something big to come, or for my life to begin.
I’m waiting for the day when I can stop waiting and start living.
47 Responses to “Notes From the Home Front: Me versus My Calendar”
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Cornelius Aesop
13. Jul, 2010
I can and can’t relate. I have 21 weeks till I get to visit Japan until then nothing but waiting and weekend adventures. Although I hope to land a job offer while there and escape from the mundane mild Midwest.
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
Awesome! At least you have something good to look forward to!
Adam
13. Jul, 2010
stop counting! i hardly ever knew how many days I had left until I was leaving. I just knew the date and that was enough for me. oh and distractions are a good idea. plus they’re fun! but at least for me I couldn’t talk much about my future travel plans with my friends just b/c they didn’t really want to hear it.
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
Oh okay I’ll just stop counting then…. how do I do that?
ehalvey
13. Jul, 2010
I’m a counter, too. But sometimes you can get so sucked into the “what will happen” that you miss out on truly enjoying the “what is happening”. This was a biggie for me with my wedding/honeymoon. I had a month in between each, and I can barely remember anything from then because I kept looking forward to the next thing. Enjoy the awesomeness of having a fave local haunt, because you won’t have that for a while. I keep looking forward to moving from Nashville, but I need to enjoy what’s here before I go.
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
Good advice and I definitely have to constantly remind myself to pay attention to the here and now.
Alouise
13. Jul, 2010
I count down the days to my next trip, no matter how small, like the one I’ll be taking is to Vancouver for TBEX in June 2011. And I’ll be feeling it for a while since I’m going to school for four years. I’m sure many people look forward to the future, to something different and exciting. But it’s important to appreciate wherever you are in the moment, even if it’s at home or at your crappy job. When you finally get to Japan (and everywhere else you’re going) and you’ll get to experience all sorts of new/bizarre/amazing things, it’ll make those mundane moments and restless feelings worth it.
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
Yes, I think once I am actually out and about and moving this will all seem like a (very dull) dream
Keith
13. Jul, 2010
I can relate. I keep calculating the days until lift-off, but another part of me secretly fears the major change coming. Time never changes speed, only the perception of time as we focus on it. Remember to focus on it while you’re on your trip so it doesn’t whiz past you.
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
It’s funny how perception works isn’t it? I’m sure once I get very close everything will start moving far too fast for my liking.
Jessica Skelton
13. Jul, 2010
An inspired post! My calendar mocks me on a daily basis-filled with things I need to get done and the length of time before I get to escape from the day-to-day routine. I feel like the “waiting game” feeling is one that is inextricably linked to being in your 20s. I always feel like I am waiting to live life, which I am finally realizing in my mid-20s is not a good way to live life. So I fill my days with as many thing as I can fit in after a long day at work: cooking, going to the beach exercise, reading, watching movies, playing music, making art, writing. But none if it will ever feel as satisfying as that sense of freedom and and adventure that comes with travel. May our days of waiting come to a close quickly and our living be everything we want it to be!
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
You are right, there could definitely be an age component to this. I am trying to remind myself constantly to enjoy what I have. Cheers!
Dan
13. Jul, 2010
I remember feeling like that but the last 99 days went by so fast. It may have helped that I had a job to come back too though. That said I’m a bit lost right now, I’m not sure when my next trip is coming and it is disheartening.
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have a trip to look forward to at this point. But I hate my job so that’s a big part of it.
Melissa
13. Jul, 2010
I hope no one from your office reads this post, otherwise you might get the chance to give notice!
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
ha, I figure if they find my blog I’m toast anyways…
Matt
13. Jul, 2010
I know the feeling! I’m ready to get on the road again and leave NZ! Hopefully not before you get here though!
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
You’ve been there for quite awhile now!
Kirsten Alana
13. Jul, 2010
If you’re always waiting for the day you won’t have to wait anymore…might you miss out on some great moments along the way? Here’s the thing, I go on RTW in April as well, and that wait feels hard to swallow for me as well. Yet in the meantime I’ve found that focusing on little things that are good right now, actually make the time seem to fly by faster. And I get some great experiences I otherwise might not have.
But yeah, in short, I totally and completely understand!
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
Definitely that is the danger in constantly looking to the future. It’s important to enjoy the here and now of life as well!
Nate
13. Jul, 2010
Can totally relate to this. I can’t imagine having been waiting as long as you though! Yikes. You’re almost there
Restless is the perfect word to describe it.
Steph
13. Jul, 2010
Yup, so very restless.
Amanda
14. Jul, 2010
I can completely relate, but not to the whole RTW thing. I have no travel plans in my immediate future. But you took the words right out of my mouth about how I’m feeling right now in general – I’m just waiting. For something. For anything. My job is just a job – not a career. I’m waiting to figure out what to do with my life. Waiting for my boyfriend to finish school. Waiting to get out of Ohio. So much waiting! Looking forward to little things – a trip home on the weekend, a night out with friends – does help. But the overwhelming restlessness is always there, lurking in the background.
I hope, like you, that someday this feeling, this annoying travel bug, will abate. I hope that someday I’ll be so happy with my right-now life that I won’t have any reason to look forward to things months or years into the future. I hope. But we’ll see!
Maybe I should start planning a grand RTW adventure. But then that would entail a hell of a lot of waiting!
Steph
14. Jul, 2010
I hate that feeling of waiting- particularly when I dont know what I’m waiting for. It’s part of how this trip came about in the first place. I hope you find what you’re waiting for…
Lindsey
14. Jul, 2010
Oh my goodenss, you summed up the pre-leaving feeling perfectly! I was so lucky to have supportive workmates who made leaving easier. They listened to me talk about packing and where to go – otherwise I would have gone mad! I found myself drinking shitloads of tea. Any excuse to get up from my desk and stop my knee jigging. I feel your pain. Even though we’re finally on the road, I sometimes find my mind wandering back to home and responsibility – will it be easier to settle next time, or will I always be thinking of where the grass is greener?
Steph
14. Jul, 2010
I can’t talk to my coworkers but luckily I have the entire blogosphere to complain to, right?
Gray
14. Jul, 2010
I am always looking forward to my next trip, planning, planning, counting the weeks. . .but yes, you then run into the danger of not enjoying the moment in time where you are. That’s been a chronic problem in my life. I should be a PSA: Don’t let this happen to you.
Steph
14. Jul, 2010
My mother read this article and told me “you have more fun than anyone I know and you are still complaining!” Guess I do have a lot to learn about enjoying what I have…
Paul
14. Jul, 2010
Waiting sucks. But like a fine wine, it gets only sweeter with time.
If you have something to look forward to, you’d be surprised how much satisfaction you get just from the anticipation.
Steph
14. Jul, 2010
Yeah anticipation is such a fabulous part of the trip experience… restlessness less so.
Anthony
14. Jul, 2010
Good read, and aaaah I do love a bit of empathy
Adventurous Kate
14. Jul, 2010
1170 half hour increments, or 65 workdays, remaining at my job (unless I get a major freelancing gig/cash beforehand). That’s what my biggest countdown is for, more than the trip, which is a bit sad. Shouldn’t the trip take precedence?
I see some disagree, but I find counting to be therapeutic. It’s become a bit of a happy and artistic ritual. Don’t worry — you are SO FREAKING CLOSE!!
Steph
15. Jul, 2010
Wow- you are good! I’ve got 68 days before I leave (56 til done with work) so we are roughly on the same countdown!
Andrea
14. Jul, 2010
Yeah, I totally hear ya. I’m plotting a massive trip to make up for lost time while I’ve been working this summer (including DC I hope, love that place). Its one of the reasons I started a travel blog, legitimizes the hours spent on a plane and focuses the restlessness.
Steph
15. Jul, 2010
I really don’t know what I would have done without this outlet to complain in. Definitely helps me focus.
Jan
15. Jul, 2010
Waiting is so difficult especially when it relates to traveling. You feel anxious all the time and constantly wonder what is out there. Whenever I feel restless, I find something that can distract me temporarily (like a favorite movie).
I am only one day away from my 2-month journey to South America. I am watching the Discovery Channel while packing(so I can be somewhat distracted).
You will be so excited when the time comes! It is a never-ending cycle for travelers!
Steph
15. Jul, 2010
Congratulations and how exciting for you! I think once I’m away from my job I’ll be able to really appreciate things better.
Ali
17. Jul, 2010
I can totally relate to that restlessness you’re feeling except I’m much further behind you. I just have this somewhat vague idea that I need a change. No plan or date yet. I still keep thinking, can I really do something like that? Is it too crazy & irresponsible? But I’m pretty sure that restlessness will overrule those thoughts & I’ll be able to just GO. Good luck with the countdown…I do it too for any trip. Can’t wait to hear how everything goes once you quit & hit the road!!
Steph
17. Jul, 2010
I think making the mental leap to change is the hardest part- sounds like you are well on your way! Good luck!
Henry
19. Jul, 2010
I know how counting down time feels. but since I got back to Australia its hard to adjust and ive been back for 2 months searching for work now. I lived overseas by myself for the first time for 5 months in a country on the equator (I’m 21). I dont have another trip planned and its quite sad as Im such a different person overseas. Im a lot more fun and when i think of ideas i act on them. talking to the pretty girl. washing those clothes (hehe), smoking that cigarette and drinking that delicious beer. Im such a bore and a downer back home, maybe because Im living back at home but all this waiting for a job and then waiting till i can take leave for a trip is so frustrating…I hate waiting so much but thats all i do when im back home! you will love the culture shock that japan and most of asia brings!
Steph
19. Jul, 2010
Coming back home after a trip can be so very hard. I’m pretty much immediatly counting down to the next one! Thanks for the well wishes.
Claire (Travel Funny Travel Light)
24. Jul, 2010
It’s almost here!
PS: Ever see those commercials for Restless Leg Syndrome? I always scoff at them, as it seems there is always some new disease “they” are coming up with. But actually, they might be on to something for travelers like us!
Steph
25. Jul, 2010
Restless Life Syndrome
Verity
26. Jul, 2010
I so understand your pain! I am trying to write up my PhD thesis and all I want to do is get up and leave and travel for a year until I feel better again. Why do we get this sort of desperation? It really is desperation… like the frantic, can’t sit still kind. I don’t understand how most people don’t feel like this and I know they can’t understand that I do.
It’s so exciting that you’re leaving so soon. I think you should shred the perky, motivational calender. It doesn’t seem to be helping
.
Steph
26. Jul, 2010
I think on my last day I might just do that!
Sarah-Kate
16. Jan, 2011
“I know where I’m going and it’s away from here and that’s WHY I can’t focus you stupid flowery calender.”
I just laughed so much I had tears in my eyes and drool on my pillow! (ooops!) I realise this comment is over 6 months out from your post but I had to say it anyway. Thanks for the pick-me-up! You hit the nail on the head for me. Hope your trip was/is awesome!
Steph
17. Jan, 2011
ha! glad you liked it. All that frustration seems so far away now….