Creative Commons License photo credit: Misserion
I was at this claustrophobic little bar near Farragut West a couple of months ago. A rather portly young man was trying to chat me up in the typical DC way (where are you from, which branch of the government do you work for, etc. etc.). All quite dull until he asked me what I do for a living. I told him my current line of work and then added “But I’m planning to quit my job and travel around the world as soon as I save up enough money.”
That really threw him for a loop. Eyes wide he exclaimed, “What?!?! You’d quit your job?!?”
“Sure, I don’t really like it that much.”
“Well I don’t like my job either. But I’m not going to QUIT it!”
And that’s where we hit the wall. Paradigm problem. He couldn’t grasp why I’d give up a perfectly good job and I cannot fathom why anyone would stay at one that they didn’t enjoy.
I don’t know why I keep letting this reaction surprise me. Maybe it’s only because I’ve turned down a well paying, sleep inducing job in the past to go traveling that I understand that yes, it is an option. I’d much rather be irresponsibly pursuing a life of adventure than ongoing 9-5:30 monotony at a job that I don’t really care about.
Creative Commons License photo credit: Seattle Miles
When you make a life choice that’s outside of the status quo you are inevitably going to run into some resistance from the more
traditional set. Maybe it’s jealousy, or insecurity or maybe just an inability to see other worldviews that makes them so antagonistic. Whatever it is, I realize now that it says more about them than it does about me.
Here are a couple of tips I’ve gleaned for dealing with these dream-busters:
- Don’t get heated- You are not going to change these people’s minds, no matter how eloquently you make your points. Some people really just want to stay where they are and aren’t going to hear otherwise. Letting them draw you into a debate about life choices just puts you on the defensive.
- Don’t get high and mighty- It can be very tempting for us “free-spirited types” to start thinking our lifestyle choices are superior to those “office drones. Just no. Don’t be this jerk.It’s okay to stand up for yourself, but everyone gets to personally choose how he or she wants to spend their one wild and precious life for themselves. The whole point here is to be respectful of other people’s choices even if they aren’t of yours. It’s not your job to “enlighten” the whole world.
- Don’t start doubting- This is the most important thing. There are always going to be people who think you are crazy for taking time off to travel- I can virtually guarantee it. The thing to remember is that just because the majority of people think something doesn’t make it right or true. One of the greatest skills a career break can teach you is the importance of adhering to your personal truths and principles over those of society.
That’s my basic tactic in a nutshell: stick to your guns, smile and nod, then carry one with your awesome life plans. The same people who act like you are crazy now will be the ones fascinated by your pictures and stories when you return. And if they aren’t, well then that is their loss too.
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Spot on, Steph. I’ve had mucho problems with doubting myself and the reality of traveling countless times because of these same kinds of conversations. It’s good to know someone else is feeling it too!!
Abbey Hesser´s last blog ..Ohayou gozaimasu! おはようございます。!
Oh yes definitely, i think it’s a good skill though, to be able to follow your passions even when people are actively trying to discourage you.
I have been rather lucky to not encounter much opposition to my travels. But I have been guilty of doubting myself now and then.
Chris – The Aussie Nomad´s last blog ..Travel Blogger Friday #8
Hey Chris,
I think that long-term traveling is much more accepted in Australia than the US. It’s pretty rare for someone to leave a perfectly good career here to do something crazy like go abroad!
This is true us aussies are everywhere. Even when I told my work I was leaving on Friday none of them questioned me as if to say your an idiot it was more of a good luck I’m jealous sort of thing.
Chris – The Aussie Nomad´s last blog ..Travel Blogger Friday #8
It is definitely more accepted here in Australia, you do get the odd person who questions but for the most part though, whilst there are people who would never commit to long term travel most Australians would understand the adventure side of it.
There are lots of us abroad, I’ve always wondered why that was the case.
Jake´s last blog ..Vancouver Winter Olympics 2010
Here’s a quote from e.e. cummings that I thinks sums it up best:
“To be nobody but yourself in a world that’s doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting.”
And I agree, there is something in the culture of America that resists taking lots of time off or a career break to travel. I’ve often wondered where that mentality originated and how it is different in other countries. Can you enlighten me Chris?
grace b´s last blog ..a real live wire
Love the quote! So elegant.
Not to go all sociological, but I think it has a lot to do with the traditional Protestant work ethic of the US. People are conditioned to be hard workers before anything else, so it can be hard to even conceive of taking a career break just for the sake of it.
I haven’t met any nay sayers yet but I am sure the closer I get to my deadline date I will. Although I don’t think I’m as close to m long term traveling as others. Thanks for the tips!
Cornelius Aesop´s last blog ..New Brew Tuesday – Altenmünster Maibock
I got some pretty strange looks just for taking 10 days off to go to Iceland. Americans have a weird view of travel.
UGH, I hate when this happens. My parents simply do NOT understand my need to travel. It’s infuriating. Nothing is more depressing to me than working in a cube for the rest of my life.
Candice´s last blog ..A Toast to Some Travellers: People to Stalk
I’m lucky that my parents are supportive but yes I totally agree. Gray cubicle walls make me want to die.
randomly stumbled upon your blog…awesome! I’ve been dealing with this exact thing lately, and you’re right…some people will just never get it, and I just have to be okay with that.
meg´s last blog ..My one dog post per week….
Hi Meg! its true some people will just never get it. Traveler’s strength lies in doing it anyways.
Good points all, Steph. I think it’s especially important for everyone to have a “live and let live” attitude. I agree that it’s very difficult to find that in the US. People here seem very threatened whenever someone is living their life outside the accepted “norms”. It’s as if our very existence is a criticism of the way they are living their lives–even though it’s no such thing.
Love that ee cummings quote, grace b.
Gray´s last blog ..Recommended Reads: January 31, 2010
Thanks Gray. People do seem to get very threatened by alternative lifestyles, it always amazes me.
For some reason I’m always surprised when people are surprised at my interest in travel. I’m guilty of trying to convince the naysayers, though it almost never amounts to anything except frustration on both sides.
Adam´s last blog ..Work Sucks! Be Calm.
Yeah I used to get into arguments but then nobody ends up happy. People are generally pretty committed to their outlooks on life.
This is a great post. When I told people I was moving to London without a job or flat set up yet they thought I was crazy but there are always people who don’t agree with everything you do. My family and closest friends supported me though and that is the most important thing.
You know I did the exact same thing and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I think that in general you know what’s better for yourself then anyone else.
Well put. In my experience, it’s most often that they can’t fathom the idea. Unfortunately, once they comprehend what you’re planning to do that feeling morphs into a quiet form of jealousy.
Keith´s last blog ..5 Guilty Travel Thoughts and How to Defeat Them
I think a lot of the hostility must be jealousy as well.
Thanks for this! Needed it especially tonight after I dropped a bombshell to the parentals tonight: “I may move home next year to save money/focus on writing/plan my future of travel and greatness….”
Can’t tell if they were kidding or not when they said I’d have to pay “expenses.” UGH!
Alyssa
Alyssa´s last blog ..Why our word choice matters…in a big way
Living at home is one of the best ways to save money for travel, good luck!
And start new travel blogs.
When we were telling everyone about our year away, most were very supportive. Because really, why do we go to work each morning? Do we work to live, or live to work? In Canada at least, we work so we can do things that we want to do.
The bright side of leaving a country when there’s a recession going on, is odds are it won’t still be going on when you get back! Leaving to go traveling has been one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
Scott´s last blog ..Furry Friday #8 – A Foxy Brand Whore!
haha that is what I keep saying about the recession as well. at least I HOPE that’s how it works out!
Hey Steph,
great article. We’ve been really lucky it would seem and haven’t had any discouragement from anyone. For me personally I know that my family are happy that I have my current job bit know that it doesn’t make me happy and that this trip we make this year and what we do next will make me happy.
Also, suspect *this* is why my parents were so keen for me to have good schools; so that this kind of choice was a possibility
bit difficult to shake that foundation if you bump into doubters. Thanks mum and dad!
Sean
Sean and Thom´s last blog ..Want to do something absolutely potty in California?
Again, I think some of that is a cultural difference. From my experiences living in the UK people were much more accepting of the travel lifestyle.
But I do count myself lucky to have supportive parents!
The crazier people think my ideas are the more I think I’m on to something.
excellent point Anil!
This post seriously hit home! I’ve had doubters at my beck and call for the last several years. It’s hardest when they also happen to be your own relatives – mine tend to the polite smile and nod, with the naysaying wheels turning around inside their heads. I’ve learned to let their whispers go in through one ear and out the other.
I think that learning to ignore other people’s opinions can be so important!
Great points Stephanie. It’s a completely different mindset and you’re exactly right about how to approach the naysayers. I don’t argue with people’s decision to have children/choose a certain career/etc…Traveling is a lifestyle choice.
Nancy´s last blog ..House vs. Globe: The Vagabond/Homeowner Crisis
exactly! live and let live.
this post def. hits home for nearly all americans who want to travel long term. my parents didn’t believe i was going until i bought my ticket.
when i let my manager know i was leaving my job and what i was going to do, she was super supportive (she’s british, so she understood) but the question i got most from people is, aren’t you scared??? i didn’t even think twice about this question until people kept asking me. why would i be scared?
I’m thinking I need to write another post on travel and American expectations. We clearly differ from a lot of countries in our attitudes towards the unconventional.
Screw the doubters! Some people just don’t get it…
The kinds of “doubters” that bother me aren’t the ones who couldn’t imagine quitting their crappy jobs. It’s the ones who can’t imagine that a young woman could possibly take care of herself and keep herself safe during an extended trip abroad.
When I tell people that my goal is to get a one way ticket to Panama and try to make it home to Wisconsin without setting foot on an airplane, the usual response is, “You’re crazy! You’ll probably end up getting raped and killed!”
This kind of negativity not only perpetuates a false stereotype regarding the safety of other countries, but also supports the notion that traveling solo as a young woman is impossible. It’s not! and I’m going to prove it, to myself and to my “doubters.”
As for jobs… my motto is “if you wouldn’t care if you got fired tomorrow, it’s time to quit today.” Personally, I love my job and I’m still willing to give it up for travel. They’re supportive of my dreams and just want me to have a great time. Plus, I know that when I get back I’ll have a great job waiting for me.
This is a really good point. The “you’d quit your job?!?!” shock is often followed by the “you’re going alone!??!” exclamations. It’s becoming rather tiresome. Only thing for it is to prove them wrong.