It’s All a Crap Shoot Really
Posted on 15. Dec, 2009 by Steph in Philosophy
I was talking to a close friend the other day about whether or not he should quit his job to travel. He has a good job for his young age and a solid career plan, but he still toys with the idea of giving it up. “I just don’t want to be thirty and have nothing to show for myself,” he finally admitted.
Creative Commons License photo credit: ClickFlashPhotos / Nicki Varkevisser
Well, neither do I, and no matter how much I hide, thirty isn’t all that far away for me. The things I want to show (to who?) are probably less tangible then money in the bank or a highly placed job, but they are still important.
There are people out there who think I’m flighty or ambitionless because my major desire right now is to quit my job and travel full time. They don’t often say it to my face but I can see it in their eyes and in the uncomfortable way they change the subject. These people generally aren’t invited to hang around in my life too long. I find them less threatening than amusing. I think I’ve thought out the principles that govern my life better than many people have.
Principles like:
- There’s no reason you need to do what everybody else is doing.
- Don’t put off your dreams until later when you could be doing them RIGHT NOW.
- Above all else, be interesting. Take risks, learn and treat everything in life as an opportunity.
Laid out on paper they start to sound less like revolutionary principles and more like clichés. The down and dirty truth is I don’t really know what I’m doing or how things are going to turn out.
People tend to ask my advice a lot. I think that is great but it also perplexes me. I’m twenty-five, single, I don’t like my job and I sleep in my childhood bedroom. Does that sound like someone who has it all figured out? In reality I am just a girl with a tirelessly upbeat attitude, a lot of big ideas and either enough luck, willpower or blind stupidity to make them work.
So there is 30, just five years away. I think about myself five years ago. Oh man, I was a different person then. You guys wouldn’t recognize me! I’d barely been out of the country and I was way too caught up in my own insecurities and personal dramas to think beyond the semester, let alone configure a life plan. There are a lot of things I’d like to go back and change about being 20.
So, will I feel the same way at 30 looking back on 25? Will I seem foolish and idealistic? Perhaps, but I don’t think so. I don’t know what my life will look like then, but I’m pretty sure I’m not going to change so drastically that I regret what’s happening now. I’m not racking up loads of debt, and I’m not slamming doors. I’ve observed enough lately to know that there are grounds here for a career and/or lifestyle. And even if my life goes in an entirely different direction than expected, I’m confident that my thoughts and beliefs now are going to guide me, not spite me.
So no I don’t have it all figured out, but anyone who says they do is lying.
The thing that I should have reminded my friend is that there is no panel of judges you have to face at thirty to have the merits of your existence evaluated. You don’t need anybody’s rubber stamp of approval to go on living. In the end the only person you have to justify your actions to is yourself.
The only things I can justify doing at this point in life are the ones that make me happy. They are what makes sense to me and I’m pretty sure that in the end, I can live with that.
35 Responses to “It’s All a Crap Shoot Really”
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- - February 4, 2010
[...] talks about her 25 year old angst! My advice is, and I know she has heard it before, just do it! It’s All a Crap Shoot Really posted at Twenty-Something [...]
- - February 9, 2010
[...] Something Travel is having a serious discussion over on her site about not knowing how things are going to turn out. I think she pretty much sums it up perfectly with this line: The only things I can justify doing [...]
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Shawn
15. Dec, 2009
All I really have to chip in here is the perspective of a cranky 36 year old. There actually is a panel of judges that you have to face. They’re in your head at night as you lay in bed waiting to go to sleep. As your mind plays back over tidbits of your day, month, year, then inevitably life. And they are not very forgiving judges. The best advice I could give on this topic is that during those sleepy ruminations you will never fault yourself or regret the things you did. However, you will often regret the things you did not do. Live your life.
.-= Shawn´s last blog ..Can a Kindle Replace Travel Guide Books? Part 1 of 2 =-.
Steph
15. Dec, 2009
Well said, I’m most afraid of answering to 80 year old me. I feel like she will be cranky and judgemental.
Carissa
15. Dec, 2009
This is nice. I packed up and bailed for Mexico recently (at 26), leaving a secure job in Portland, OR (a secure job in PDX being a big deal), good friends, a steal of an apartment…the usual.
I think people cling to structure that they’ve built, or that has been imposed socially, not because they worry they could lose it all, but because it’s scary that alternate versions of their lives could exist elsewhere. It challenges your vision of self to think that you could be you in another setting, language, outfit, and be just as happy or happier.
Steph
15. Dec, 2009
That’s an interesting point, people definitely cling to the security of what they know because not knowing is… well scary. I think it’s important to do things that scare you, makes you stronger.
I love your domain name by the way!
brian | No Debt World Travel
15. Dec, 2009
Stephanie,
People ask your opinion because while you don’t have everything the way you want it, you are wise beyond your years. It took me much longer to realize the fundamental truths you’ve talked about in this post.
You only get one chance at this. Don’t worry about what other people think, whether it’s success or failure.
They’ve got their own problems and can honestly care less what you do!
.-= brian | No Debt World Travel´s last blog ..Best Travel News and Deals – December 15, 2009 – Gap Year to Get in an Ivy, Frequent Flyer Tips, Using a Bidet, Swim with Crocs, Win Trip to Africa =-.
Steph
15. Dec, 2009
Thank you for the compliment Brian! One chance is right, I don’t intend to screw it up!
Abbie
15. Dec, 2009
I think in the U.S. there are so many expectations of what’s “normal” and what you’re “supposed” to do, that people who (like us) are in their 20s and want to quit their jobs to travel and write are looked at as different. And we are different, but who ends up being happy and fulfilled???
Steph
15. Dec, 2009
Yeah there’s definitely one very prevalent mind set here. My friend from above is actually European though, so I guess it’s an issue everywhere!
Sasha
15. Dec, 2009
At 20 nearly 21 I have major itchy feet. When I finished school I took 2 gap years and did a bit of travel, I then spent this past year studying and managed to fit in a short trip. At the end of the year I had a decision to make continue study to get a higher qualification or take the opportunity to live in China for 6 months. I took the China option (to much critism from some of the people in my life). But now I have another decision to make, with job offers coming from all over in tourism (where I’m qualified as a travel agent) for when I get back mid next year I’m in total confusing mode, do I continue to travel and stretch out my money as far as I can or come back home work full time selling travel all the while wishing I was anywhere but here!!! Ironic really I studied tourism to travel and it and its only 4 weeks annual leave is what will hold me back!!! Instead of planning ahead i’ve decided i’ll take things as they come, after 6 months i may want to come back home and work but i may not, and if i don’t then i won’t!!!
Steph
15. Dec, 2009
Taking things as they come is a great philosophy. I think people often get really caught up in their long term plans and forget to assess what makes them happy.
Elena
15. Dec, 2009
I feel the exact same way… Im only 20 and I’m glad to know what I know now… I keep thinking about how life would be without this constant goal of wanting to travel all the time. Maybe I would allow myself a steady boyfriend, or maybe I would party everynight because I wouldn’t be constantly thinking that I’d rather be at home planning my next trip, or actually going on these trips.
My only hope is that at 25 I wont be done travelling, that I will keep wanting to travel and wont allow the conventional lifestyle of settling down get to me.
Steph
15. Dec, 2009
it’s great that you’ve got an early start!
Adam
15. Dec, 2009
I’m right there with you. I just turned 25 myself and couldn’t have guessed this would’ve been my life just 1 year ago, let alone 5 years ago! And I’m so excited to think that at 26, I don’t even have a clue as to which hemisphere I’ll be in!
With that said, I used to always be concerned about what others thought of me; of where my future was heading, etc etc. So glad that I’ve since changed. I like your bullet points – “be interesting” is excellent advice!
.-= Adam´s last blog ..Travels of Who?!? =-.
Steph
17. Dec, 2009
I’ll be turning 26 abroad as well next fall- not sure where yet!
Shannon OD
15. Dec, 2009
Argh! Steph – don’t say that we’re that close to 30 – I know it’s just a number, but I’d like to think that I still have some good long time left before I reach that milestone (I turn 26 in two weeks…let’s not talk about that
But as for the rest – I think that people ask your opinion while others point fingers at your plans because you’re so sure and secure with your choice and you’re not asking for their permission to travel – that’s intimidating to people who are more trapped in the mentality that they just have to merge in with that classic career/home/kids plan. And for the record – I’ll be crashing tonight in my childhood bed, and it’s cozy and warm and gets me one step closer to traveling next month, so I’m ok w/that!
.-= Shannon OD´s last blog ..A Little Reflection…Vipassana Meditation Six Months Later =-.
Steph
17. Dec, 2009
We’ve got PLENTY of time before we are 30 still.
I do tend to think that the people most antagonistic to the idea are the ones who don’t have the guts to do it themselves. If you’re content with your life choices then you don’t need to judge others.
Matt
15. Dec, 2009
I left on my first extended trip overseas shortly after getting my BA. I was terrified at that time of settling down and working 8-5 for the rest of my life. I was only 22. During that time abroad, those feelings only intensified. Now, at 24 (soon to be 25, yikes), I still feel I’m too young to be committed to a career. I can’t imagine anyplace else in life I’d rather be. Great post, really enjoyed it.
.-= Matt´s last blog ..Experience Abel Tasman In a Day =-.
Steph
16. Dec, 2009
I think the fact that I don’t have any particular career field I’m really dedicated to has helped me put the whole thing off.
Don’t worry, I’ve been 25 for two months now and it’s not so bad…
Nancy
16. Dec, 2009
I have definitely gone through and am going through similar questions. (I’m turning 25 in two weeks-hello mid-twenties!)
In the past 6 months I’ve completely transformed my life. Many people have thought I’m crazy, I’m sure. I finally realized that it truly didn’t matter what others thought. I would say that to myself before, but now I really believe it. We all have to do what resonates with us, what keeps pulling at us. It’s kind of a life jacket scenario. We can’t help other people until we put on our own. The same is true for our lives. We can’t fully connect until we’ve gone and done what it is we want to do. I don’t think it’s crazy at all that you want to travel. Some of my favorite advice has come from Martha Beck (books) and Christine Kane (christinekane.com/blog)
Go towards your passion. You can’t go wrong with that.
.-= Nancy´s last blog ..The Best and Worst: A Week in Argentina. =-.
Steph
16. Dec, 2009
I think we need a club for 25 year old travel bloggers. Seems to be a lot of us!
The older I get the less I care what people thing, it’s pretty liberating.
I will be checking out those books, thanks!
Candice
16. Dec, 2009
Ugh, so true. My family doesn’t understand my urge to hit the road at all. I’m afraid that by the time I do hit my 30s, my priorities will be completely different and I’ll want to be more settled. I don’t want to look back later and wonder wtf I didn’t get out there and MOVE.
.-= Candice´s last blog ..The Weirdest Christmas Tradition Ever =-.
Steph
17. Dec, 2009
Yeah I think it’s way too easy to get settled into the routine of life and let oppurtunities pass you by because you are “comfortable.”
Alex
17. Dec, 2009
Thought-provoking post, Stephanie. To play a little devil’s advocate and to pose something that I’ve been thinking about once in a while, don’t you guys think some of us travelers are, gulp, running away? Don’t get me wrong, sometimes “running away” is not a bad thing; it leads to a broader understanding of the world, unique experiences, unexpected friendships, but other times it leads to drifting, drifting, drifting…and avoiding. A British lady I met in Argentina asked me point-blank, “What are you running away from?” She said it jokingly, but I soon learned that she was running away from a marriage gone awry and a job lost. What do you guys think of the whole notion of “running away?” If you’re not guilty of it, have you met fellow travelers who are?
-Alex
.-= Alex´s last blog ..Teaching English and Living in Bundang, South Korea- Your FAQ Answered! =-.
Steph
18. Dec, 2009
You know, I think people travel for a lot of different reasons and one of them is escape. But I think that most long term travelers have realized that you really can’t run away from your problems, at least not for very long. Your emotions and issues follow you wherever you go, so it ends up not being a terribly satisfying motive.
For many of the traveler’s I’ve met traveling has been more about self-discovery than escape.
I guess what I’m saying is that people whose primary motivation is to escape, either end up going home to face their problems, or their motivation ultimatly changes. For a long time travel was a really useful way for me to put off figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. Now, as you can see from the column above, I inadvertently figured out that what I want to do with my life IS travel.
Anyone else have any input?
Legal Nomads
20. Dec, 2009
Hi Steph, I missed this thoughtful post as I was enroute to Thailand. Glad you started this discussion, and the comments are all insightful. I worked for in a traditional career (as a corporate lawyer) for 6 years and then quit to travel, and I turned 30 on the road this year. Though some family and friends thought I was running away, or wondered when “this travel thing will be out of your system”, as the months bled into a year and now into almost 2, they’ve come to see the personal value in what I chose to do, and how it has made me a more multi-faceted, happier and calmer person. Also? They’re jealous of all the good food I’m eating on the road.
The bottom line is, as others have said, that people will judge because (sadly) it’s what people tend to do, especially when they are not similarly inclined to give it all up. If you know that travel will fulfill something in you that your current situation does not, then go for it. It isn’t running when you have nothing to run from.
Steph
20. Dec, 2009
Thanks for adding your perspective Jodi! I really like that “it isn’t running when you have nothing to run from.” I try to be really honest with myself about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it, which is part of why I’m confident everything is going to work out as it should.
Christine
21. Dec, 2009
I feel the exact same way! I graduated college in May and spent a few weeks backpacking through Europe this summer, but came back to a serious boyfriend and a great job in my field. Now that I’m single, I dream of quitting my job, putting my stuff in storage and moving to Paris (or Sydney, or Munich, or Tokyo…) and blogging. But I feel like I can’t do that for another year or so–I’m not sure why exactly, but I feel some sense of obligation. Still, I feel like if I don’t do it now (or, at least, soon!), I never will.
I’m hoping that reading your blog will give me the inspiration and the resources to motivate me to buy a one-way plane ticket and start living. Thanks for this post–it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Steph
21. Dec, 2009
It’s a paradox. You want to be well prepared (financially, emotionally, whatever) but there’s also that, totally valid, fear that if you keep putting it off it will never happen. I had a really hard time with that when I decided to postpone my travels for a year to save for money (I still have 9 months to go, which sucks). But I think if you keep working towards the goal, and putting money away, it’s possible to stay on track.
Thanks for posting Christine!
Kelsey
25. Feb, 2010
“People tend to ask my advice a lot. I think that is great but it also perplexes me. I’m twenty-five, single, I don’t like my job and I sleep in my childhood bedroom. Does that sound like someone who has it all figured out? In reality I am just a girl with a tirelessly upbeat attitude, a lot of big ideas and either enough luck, willpower or blind stupidity to make them work.”
That pretty much sums up my experience as well. People ask me for advice all the time and talk about how they’d love to live the life I do, but…I guess I never really see it that way. I’m 26 with a crap resume, no car, about $5k of debt, and a job picking up dog poo. Yes, I’ve done cool things in the past, and I will continue to do cool things in the future, but it always kind of boggles my mind when someone asks me how they can “be more like [me]“.
.-= Kelsey´s last blog ..Laptop Death! =-.
Jaime
07. Oct, 2010
Stephanie I absolutely love this post. It is great and well written. I just finished reading all the comments and I had to ask myself wait how old am I??? It seems like everyone is in the mid-twenties. I am 24 will be 25 in Feb so I will be turning 26 on the road.
I think the thing that scares a lot of people is the future. People have the tendency to NEED a path that they think they MUST follow. Its like we must know where we are going to be in a year or 2 or 5. Instead of living in the moment we spend our time plotting a future that we dont even know will happen.
When I tell people I am planning my RTW trip 1 of the 1st questions they ask is: What are you going to do when you back? I look at them crazy, I have no damn idea and its something I am not worried about. It just puzzles me that people cling to what they are used to and are scared to go off the norm a bit.
Steph
10. Oct, 2010
I am also turning 26 on the road- in a couple of weeks!I also get the “what will you do after” question a lot and I usually just shrug. Who knows who I will be by then or what my plans will be. I think people are just looking for a context to fit us in and travel for the sake of travel doesn’t work for that.
Lindsay aka @_thetraveller_
21. Mar, 2011
I thought I would travel for a year RTW and come home ready to settle down and get back into the office. It was the polar opposite. I did enjoy being home and not moving around for a while. But on my 3rd month home now, I’m ready to leave again. And highly motivated to create my own work and own income that does not involve being in a large company, stuffed up in an office.
Preach it! There is NO judges when you hit the age of 30. I have to keep telling myself that now that I’ve heard it. Only a few years away from that :S
Steph
24. Mar, 2011
Yeah, there comes a point where you just have to pursue what makes you happy.